Yesterday I got a call from Annie. I no longer worry so much when a kid calls out of the blue. I don't know why. Anything could happen, right? But a part of me trusts that things are going to be okay. Again, I don't know why. I guess I'm still learning to trust my children, now that they are in their 20s. Trust is so important to our relationships with kids. I think I'm learning to do it better each day, each year. Or maybe it's something we have to learn over and over as they grow. I remember when Jay was in high school and he was a little shifty about something, and I knew he was struggling with making the right choice, and ultimately he did. I learned to trust him and through high school, I was like, "He's got this. He knows what to do." But now I kind of fear each new milestone in a way. "Now that he's off to college, is he going to do the right thing?" "Now that they are on their own, are they going to know what to do?" "Now that he's across the country, is he going to make the right decisions?" It might sound like I just want them to do what I want, but that's not it. I want them to make life choices that are healthy and solid. I just need to trust that they will. And so with each new age, we learn to trust again.
Anyway, when Annie called, we had a long talk about this and that. We talked about people and friends, teachers and students, and parents and children. She had sat in on parent-teacher conferences as part of her student-teaching experience. There were stories of people saying and doing the wrong thing. Making comments and not recognizing what they were saying. Or taking offense when someone says something simple. Sometimes it feels as if we have to walk on eggshells, watching everything that is said and done, she said. Most of the time we are just doing our best. Sometimes, things are personal and feel like judging. Sometimes, we need to set a boundary and say, This is what I'll do and this is what I need from you. Most of the time it's just ignorance or an accidental slip-up. Annie shared that she just wants to Give Grace. When someone says something that's 'tinged', we Give Grace. I just love that idea. I often think of grace as something I receive only from God, but the best moments of grace are when grace is given to us by someone we love, a friend, a family member, or someone we could have harmed, unintentionally. Maybe it's God's grace through them that makes us feel so connected. And when I in turn give grace, it's coming through me from God. It's not my own to give. My grace is restored and replenished by God and I can then give grace.
I said something yesterday that I really regretted. I felt I should apologize for it, but I wasn't sure how to go back once I realized it much later. It was a difference in culture and I forgot for a moment that I wasn't supposed to say it. My whole drive home I worried that this person might have been offended. When I got home, I googled it. After I looked it up, I realized it might not be offensive. Yet there I was in my car, sweating over the fact that I had said this. So what can we do? It may have been offensive, it may not. I did not intend to do anything harmful. Either way, I just hope that person can give me some grace.
Right now we are all suffering through something. Just look around. We all have our thing that we are going through. I hope we can give some grace. and I hope that in return we are given some grace. Today, no matter what you are facing, I hope you can be given the grace you need from God to give grace to others. And that others will give grace to you.
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