Packing

I can't remember a time not wanting to be a mother, so when your kids are grown and they begin to show you they might not need you as much, or tell you they don't need you, or worse, tell you they don't want you anymore, it's a little bruising. And then we ship them away! And we have to be tough and strong and act like it doesn't hurt. It makes no sense. But here we are. And so today we are packing a whole 18 years into bins and boxes and tucking in our hearts and getting her ready to leave. But guess what happened right in the middle of it all? (I need to tone it down here a little, I sound enthusiastic, but I'm not Really enthusiastic...) Annie tripped on the steps and hurt her shin - you know one of those scrapes that doesn't bleed but hurts like a mother. And so I got to be The Mom. I elevated her leg (and she let me) and got her ice and then I let her lick the bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough! And then she let me take her picture! (After she asked me if I remember to check for lighting on my iPhone.)

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm gloating, but I didn't think I'd get a chance to do this today of all days. She has been running around saying goodbye to her friends and getting everything ready and working and busy packing and packing and packing. This was a moment I will treasure. 

And so now to packing.  She has her "Suggested List of What to Bring to College" tacked above her bed. She has crossed off most of it. She has a diffuser, a fan, a fridge, too-many-pillows-for-anyone-to-sit-on-the-bed, sheets, towels, medicine, cough drops, tissues, soap, shampoo, etc., etc. What I want to add are a few extras. These are for the days when life gets really bad, and you're not sure you want to grow up just yet and wouldn't it be nice to just ignore the rain and stay in bed and pretend for a minute that you don't have to grow up and you don't have any responsibilities or any worries or anything to do. Or maybe even for the days when life is really good and you can't believe you get to live this life and you can't hold in your joy and your love and you just want someone to share it with and you find that very person at that very moment you need them the most and you see yourself in them and they amplify you. I wish you all those days and more! And I hope these little things will help you along the way...

• A song that makes you smile and remember your childhood (Life is a Highway, from our trip to Callie)
• A poem that makes you believe in the world (Mary Oliver)
• A picture that makes you see beauty
• A book that you will share with good friends
• A quote that you will share with your first crush
• A story that makes you laugh
• A memory that makes you cry
• A moment that reminds you that you are wonderful
• A feeling deep inside your very core that you are so, so loved
• A reflection that shows you that you are enough
• A dream that may just be beginning to reveal itself to you 
• A hope that everything is possible
• A faith that will be all you have sometimes

And I will bring with me the smile full of all the love a heart can hold and you will only see through the tears of goodbye and then you will go and share that love with the world! I love you, Annie.