What is grief?
It is standing in the shower and
you are suddenly crying
and then you are sobbing.
And you barely thought about it
in the two days since you heard
your Uncle Rich passed.
You thought about your dad and your cousins and your aunt
and how sad they must be
and you checked in on your dad.
"I'm so so sorry."
And you went to work and you did what you had to do.
And now you are ready for another day
and you are thinking of all the things
and then you are crying
and you are little again
and vulnerable
and your heart hurts.
And you remember everyone.
Medford Lakes and a swimming pool and laughing so hard
and dancing around
a Christmas tree and fireworks by the lake at night.
And you can see his face and all their faces smiling
Aunts and uncles and cousins and brothers who aren't here.
And you remember his voice, deep and laughing,
and you remember his kindness and his advice.
"Are you taking vitamin C, Joannie?"
You see all their faces
and you miss being little
surrounded by all of them
and your grandmother's hands.
And you grieve.
And that is grief.
That is love.
