A Mindfulness Prayer

 Here is a little prayer I've been saying as I go to sleep, or anytime I want to just refocus and ground myself in the moment. There are a few variations you can use to begin the prayer. 

I breathe into my...

Mind and headspace

I breathe into my eyes and face

I breathe into my jaw and neck

I breathe into my clavicle and shoulders

My arms and elbows, forearms and wrists, hands and fingers.

I breathe into my heart and ribs,

I breathe into my organs and stomach,

I breathe into my hips and back,

I breathe into my legs, and knees, shins and ankles, feet and toes. 

With each breath, I try to focus on sending oxygen through my body and as I do I relax my muscles. I find it calming and quieting. You could focus on any parts of your body. I use eyes because my eyes always feel tired at the end of the day. My hips and back are prone to soreness. Sometimes I pray down my body and I'm done or I'll go back 'Up' my body and say it in reverse. It kind of flushes out the aches and pains or tightness or whatever we are holding onto with our bodies. Experts say that our muscles and fascia can hold onto trauma or negative emotional experiences long after the experience itself and until we release it, our bodies and our brains are in a state of heightened alertness, similar to the fight or flight response. Our brain is looking for danger so it knows when to protect us. As we go through our lives, the muscle memory of the trauma can begin to wear away at us, through the chemical response of increased cortisol and inflammation in our body, which can lead to disease. (BTW, I am not a medical doctor, but this is my understanding based on books and classes I have taken on trauma. I'm trying to say it in simple terms.) So, for our own healing, we can pray.

I bless my mind...

Or,

I pray into my mind.

Or,

I bring my mind peace..., I bring my heart peace... and so on

Or, 

God Bless my mind...

I do wonder what it would do to pray for the world in this way. Can we pray for the healing of the world? Start with Nashville. Because just as our bodies hold trauma, our world does too. The collective trauma we have endured is not easy to dismiss. Repeated trauma is not easy to heal from. But maybe a prayer would help. 

I pray for Covenant School and the students and teachers there, 

I pray for their neighbors and Nashville. 

I pray for those who have lost children. 

I pray for my neighbors here and around Philadelphia. 

I pray for my children and the students they go to school with, in Boston and South Bend and SanFrancisco and the Lehigh Valley. 

I pray for our country and its leaders. 

I pray for Ukraine and countries at war. 

I pray for children affected by violence. 

I pray for families tucking their children in at night and worrying about what tomorrow will bring. 

I pray for children everywhere. 

I pray for students everywhere. 

I pray for families everywhere. 

I hope that as we enter the weekend and begin Holy Week next week, this helps you to find some quiet and peace. We are reminded this week that Christ's suffering was for us and that by entering into his suffering, we are freed from sin and depression, from anxiety and worry, from regret and remorse. We can live in forgiveness, resurrection, hope, and love.  I bid you peace. 

Give Grace

 Yesterday I got a call from Annie. I no longer worry so much when a kid calls out of the blue. I don't know why. Anything could happen, right? But a part of me trusts that things are going to be okay. Again, I don't know why. I guess I'm still learning to trust my children, now that they are in their 20s. Trust is so important to our relationships with kids. I think I'm learning to do it better each day, each year. Or maybe it's something we have to learn over and over as they grow. I remember when Jay was in high school and he was a little shifty about something, and I knew he was struggling with making the right choice, and ultimately he did. I learned to trust him and through high school, I was like, "He's got this. He knows what to do." But now I kind of fear each new milestone in a way. "Now that he's off to college, is he going to do the right thing?" "Now that they are on their own, are they going to know what to do?" "Now that he's across the country, is he going to make the right decisions?" It might sound like I just want them to do what I want, but that's not it. I want them to make life choices that are healthy and solid. I just need to trust that they will. And so with each new age, we learn to trust again.

Anyway, when Annie called, we had a long talk about this and that. We talked about people and friends, teachers and students, and parents and children. She had sat in on parent-teacher conferences as part of her student-teaching experience. There were stories of people saying and doing the wrong thing. Making comments and not recognizing what they were saying. Or taking offense when someone says something simple. Sometimes it feels as if we have to walk on eggshells, watching everything that is said and done, she said. Most of the time we are just doing our best. Sometimes, things are personal and feel like judging. Sometimes, we need to set a boundary and say, This is what I'll do and this is what I need from you. Most of the time it's just ignorance or an accidental slip-up. Annie shared that she just wants to Give Grace. When someone says something that's 'tinged', we Give Grace. I just love that idea. I often think of grace as something I receive only from God, but the best moments of grace are when grace is given to us by someone we love, a friend, a family member, or someone we could have harmed, unintentionally. Maybe it's God's grace through them that makes us feel so connected. And when I in turn give grace, it's coming through me from God. It's not my own to give. My grace is restored and replenished by God and I can then give grace.

I said something yesterday that I really regretted. I felt I should apologize for it, but I wasn't sure how to go back once I realized it much later. It was a difference in culture and I forgot for a moment that I wasn't supposed to say it. My whole drive home I worried that this person might have been offended. When I got home, I googled it. After I looked it up, I realized it might not be offensive. Yet there I was in my car, sweating over the fact that I had said this. So what can we do? It may have been offensive, it may not. I did not intend to do anything harmful. Either way, I just hope that person can give me some grace. 

Right now we are all suffering through something. Just look around. We all have our thing that we are going through. I hope we can give some grace. and I hope that in return we are given some grace. Today, no matter what you are facing, I hope you can be given the grace you need from God to give grace to others. And that others will give grace to you. 

Cushions

Our cushions on our couch always reveal what's been going on. When Charlie and Matt were here together over spring break, the indents in the couch in the family room showed how they'd been hanging out or up all night or even sleeping there. The pillows get tossed to the floor and they are free to lounge wherever. The blankets tell the story of how long they were there. Twisted up - usually a long time. Gently tossed but not totally unfolded - usually a short sit. The pillows and cushions on other couches are usually moved only a little. In the living room, the pillows get pushed aside when we have a quick conversation while waiting for someone to get ready or on our way out the door, but they don't really retain any imprint of an extended stay. When cleaning the office, I'll move the pillow to the center where it sits up nicely. Jason will move it to the end to take a little nap and it folds gently against the arm of the couch. In our 'coffee chairs' in the kitchen, the back cushions have to be turned each week to feel fresh because we sit there so much. Whatever they do, the pillows help. They are there to hold us up for whatever kind of moment we are in. Thankfully we don't have bare benches made of wood. Thankfully we have lots of cushions and pillows around to soften our days for when we have a few minutes or a few hours to relax and rest and step away from the blows of the world, and lately, there are a lot of blows.

When I wrote on Monday, I hadn't yet heard the news about the school shooting in Nashville at Covenant School. It is so unbelievable that we are still dealing with this. I don't have words. Last night my husband and I were trying to make sense of it all and we just can't. I think I've signed every petition I can. I called senators and representatives. I don't know what to do. I don't want to know any more innocent people who lose their lives on a day that should just be about going to school, playing a game, eating some dinner. Not planning a funeral. How could there be so much pain in the world? How could someone want to inflict more pain in the world? Obviously, there is more to the story. Some people's lives are full of wooden benches. But aren't we doing better? Aren't we more compassionate and understanding? Aren't we getting the help we need?

I feel like I want some cushions to these blows, not for me, but for all those who are suffering. Whatever they are suffering with. I guess it comes from surrounding ourselves. It comes from other people. It comes from love and prayers. But sometimes the prayer is simply, "Oh dear God..., oh dear God...,  oh dear God..."    Sometimes that is all we can say. Sometimes that is all we need to say. Sometimes that is enough of a cushion against the blows of the world. 

Here is a podcast of Kate Bowler's, called Where We Turn for Meaning, and it's on Consolation. It is a beautiful vision of how we bear pain. 

Today I wish you a cushion against the blows. A moment of rest on the pillows. Someone to listen. And if all else fails, just a prayer:  Oh dear God.

Surround Yourself

 

When you read those words, what came to mind? Was it visions of lush greenery in an open field? Soft lamps and candles lighting the indoors? Blankets piled on a soft couch? A bunch of ingredients that you are putting together for dinner. What do you surround yourself with? Who do you surround yourself with? 

I've been thinking about this. When we were in California, we were surrounded by others who were on vacation, happy to wake up each morning looking forward to a day of adventure and promise. We were surrounded by beautiful rolling rocky hills with various trees growing here and there. All of it brought out another part of us - a part that hadn't been before. We were surrounded by fields of vines upon vines, some old and gnarly and some thin and tallish. And mustard flowers, believe it or not. They say the Jesuits brought the mustard to the Napa and Sonoma Valleys and sprinkled them around. The mustard enriches the grapes grown for wine, so they still grow it. Every row of grapes has a row of mustard flowers growing between them. The mustard surrounds the grape crops and nourishes the soil in which the grapes are grown. This was prime mustard season and the orange and yellow, some fluorescent yellow, flowers were in full bloom. Rather than harvesting the mustard, it is mowed down and goes back into the soil. Each nutrient turns into something different - some acid or chemical that in turn gives the wine flavors of cinnamon, cardamom, apple, pear, and berries, making the wine into something a bit different each year or season. 

Who and what we surround ourselves with matters. The nutrients in the mustard are like the nutrients we gather from our friends. They enrich our lives and bring out various flavors of what's already inside us. It matters. 

I am always struck by classrooms with the shades pulled down to the bottom. No light, no sun, no visuals of the outside can get in. I guess we don't want distraction? Or stimulation? But we need those things. We need to be surrounded with the sky, the sun, the trees, the playground. If there's one thing I realized while away it was how important it is to be in nature. Otherwise what is in us cannot grow to its potential. Our flavors won't ring true. 

I wish for you today to be surrounded. Be surrounded by what gives you nourishment. Whether it's a pile of books, a bunch of kids, a warm fireplace, a friend's laughter. (I guess I'm saying that because it's raining outside my window right now.) Even better, be outside and surrounded by nature. Whatever it is, I hope you surround yourself. 

Cutting Back

 Everyone seems to be talking about cutting back. Cutting back on calories, cutting back on wine, cutting back on spending, cutting back on work, even quiet quitting, which I tried a little. Cutting back is good, but then there's a voice that says, No, Do more! and I become confused. What is all this supposed to mean? I remember telling my kids they had no excuses to do less. They had full bellies and a loving home and everything they needed - no need to do less with all they had. I have the same privilege, so how can I cut back, and still follow my own advice. What's my excuse for doing less? 

While I am trying to cut back on social media, I started following this wonderful gardener on Instagram who visits random (seemingly) gardens and offers just a bit of advice on how to care for things. One thing in gardening that is perplexing to me is how to care for hydrangeas. Some you are supposed to cut back, like way back. And so I've hacked away at these 3 bushes we have and each year they grow bigger and stronger. I don't think there's anything I could do to stop them. When I applied the same principles to the other hydrangeas, they didn't bloom, they suffered. Last year, I moved them to the side of the house where they wouldn't get as much sun. I hoped that would help, but checking on them yesterday, I'm just not so sure. So anyway, my friend, Jess, (I act like I know these people) over at youcandoitgardening.com on instagram, taught me how to Cut Back. You don't cut off the buds. I don't know who coined the phrase "Nip it in the bud" but that's basically the idea. You cut right to the bud, no more, just a nip. So I tried it. We'll see how it goes this summer. I'm also planning on rearranging a few things in the garden to give everybody a little more space, every flower needs room to grow. 

I think it's the same in our lives. What and where and when and how do we cut back? I don't really need to cut calories - I've been doing some intermittent fasting, but Lent reminded me to save that just for Fridays. Ah, that feels better already. Cut back on wine? Sure, but when you want a glass, have a glass. Cut back on social media, yes. But watch the gardening videos for advice. Cut back on television and movies, yes. But go to the library and stock up on books for the rainy weekend ahead. (BTW, remember when we could go to the library or video store and just pick a dvd and bring it home and watch it? Now we spend more of our Friday nights scrolling through Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Apple than we do acutally watching anything. Just had to throw that in there. I definitely want to cut that back.) It's so important that we don't over cut. That we trim just what needs to be trimmed so that growth can continue. We prune. Don't cut off the buds that are growing. 

When we visited Jay, we saw how he is doing Everything! We met the guy at the corner store who he buys his coffee from each day. We met the guys from his 2 (two!) ice hockey teams. We saw the office. We saw the places where he likes to run. We took his friends to dinner and he apologized that we didn't get to meet more of them. While I can see he is doing it all, and I am so happy for him, it made me a little sad. Just cut back, I want to say. But I already taught him that thing about no excuses. So instead I told him that I am glad he has everything in balance. He plays as hard as he works, he finds time to be alone as much as he finds time to be with friends. He finds time to be by the ocean and time to be in the mountains. I hope he hears my new message, that Balance is key. You cut back on what isn't necessary, but you allow room for growth. 

 Here are my hydrangeas, (right in front of the gutter there!) I don't know if you can see them, but there are little red buds on the ends of these stems and you'll notice some fresh white cuts too. I hope I cut back just enough. I also removed the dead wood to make room for the new green growth beneath. I left a few leaves down at the base because I'm worried about the weather this weekend when we are supposed to get a bad rain storm. I figure a little cushion around these new leaves will help protect them. 

What are you hoping to cut back on? How can you prune? Can you just give a little trim? Can you just find the right balance to keep you going and active and happy, but not busy and exhausted? 

Today I wish for you just a little trim, lots of new buds of growth, and a cushion against the rain. 

the mud: Unexpected

the mud: Unexpected:  So after a wonderful visit with my son, I'm a little behind in writing and have some catching up to do. There were so many days when I ...

Unexpected

 So after a wonderful visit with my son, I'm a little behind in writing and have some catching up to do. There were so many days when I should have written and even wanted to write, but was just too tired or caught up in things that I didn't. Anyway, last week I wrote Expecting. Today, it's the Unexpected. 

After flying into San Francisco, we stayed in a little inn in Sonoma for the first few nights. (I may blog more about our trip later because there is so much to share, but I'll save it for another time) We met some people and it was lovely. What we didn't expect is that one of the couples from the hotel would be on our tour in Napa, on a little bus through the hills and vineyards, but there they were. And what we didn't expect was that while we are from very different places, they are from Montana and we are from NJ, we would have so much in common and would very quickly become friends. We hope to visit them one day! Expect the unexpected!

And while the weather was windy and cloudy at the outset of our tour, it turned out to be a wonderful, warm day. Expect the unexpected. While we were headed one place, we decided to drive up the coast a bit 'just to see', and decided to stick to the coast for our drive home. Expect the unexpected. Driving through forests of Redwood trees, we didn't expect to turn the corner and be greeted by The Ocean but we were blown away by the beauty and majesty of the Pacific! Expect the Unexpected.  We didn't expect to be by a creek that bears my brother's name, but there we were. We didn't expect to get upgraded at the second hotel, but we ended up in the Penthouse Suite - unbelievable! Expect the Unexpected. 

It is the most wonderful emotion to be Surprised by Joy, as C.S. Lewis calls it. It is not something planned or controlled, not even thought of or desired until, without warning, it arises, to paraphrase Lewis. What can you allow yourself to be surprised by? I do think it takes a certain frame of mind. We cannot be caught up in our own thoughts and worries, predispositions and expectations. Before we got to the ocean, we actually had reservations that I was frantically trying to cancel so that we wouldn't be charged and for a few moments, it wasn't going through. Finally, the reservation was canceled. No obligations. No expectations. I was relaxed. I was ready to live. I was in the moment. And then I was surprised. Not that there is a formula for it. But I really can't remember a time I was so open and free. It's that feeling at the top of the swing when gravity lets go for a split second and you let go too and feel yourself bounce. Joy! Even on vacation with our kids, there is often a nagging anxiety. Are we doing the right thing? Is this where we're supposed to be? Is this where we want to be? Is this what our kids need? Is everybody happy? It goes on and on. Well, after 24 years of raising kids, I can say I was able to let go, at least for a few days. That hasn't always been the case. Even when I talked about letting go. 

Maybe this is a little of Lent too. So here we are suffering in our Lenten sacrifices but we can still find the joy. It comes in the smallest of ways, in tiny moments. God is waiting to surprise you. He is aligning the stars to bring you joy. Expect the Unexpected. After the crucifixion, no one expected to see Jesus again. And yet...

Today I wish for you Joy, not the planned kind like ordering a birthday cake, but the sheer surprise of unexpected joy. What can you let go of? What reservations, literal or figurative, external and internal, can you cancel? What unexpected thing can you allow yourself to experience? What can you be surprised by? 

Where are you?

Yesterday I traveled cross country with my husband to visit our son. It was a little bit of a bumpy ride with heavy winds much of the way. But it was so amazing to look into his eyes, to see him in his own place, to see where my son now lives. Since he moved here last summer I had visions in my head of what it would be like. Well it is far more lovely than I imagined. As we walked down his street to a cafe the newly wet streets were coated in fresh blossoms of I don’t know what but it smelled divine. I could go on and on but the lesson I believe is that we travel, we land, we imagine what could be. It could be far more than you imagine. 

Where are you? Where are you going? Imagine big! Even if it’s bumpy you’ll get there. 

the mud: Nourishment

the mud: Nourishment:  Thank you for continuing on this Lenten journey with me. I appreciate you being here and I hope you are finding something that speaks to yo...

Nourishment

 Thank you for continuing on this Lenten journey with me. I appreciate you being here and I hope you are finding something that speaks to you.

What do I need? What do I want? What do I feel? All of these questions are important to ask ourselves and our children, our spouses, and our friends. We find deep connection when we ask them. 

But for today I want to pose another question: What do I eat? Part of Lenten rituals regards abstaining from certain foods on Ash Wednesday, Fridays, and the Easter Triduum, the 3 days leading up to Easter. Some people think this is nonsense, that what we eat shouldn't be a sacrifice. I remember a teacher in high school saying that the fishermen in Ireland wanted the Pope to make meatless Fridays because they wanted to increase the fishing industry in Ireland. I have no idea if that's true, but maybe? In our house, we try not to cook fresh meat, we sometimes order pizzas (which is not a sacrifice at all, haha), but lately we've just been eating leftovers, whatever's in the fridge. This week we had a salad made from the cabbages and kale growing in the garden. Grilled in a little olive oil and salt, pepper, and garlic, along with some chunky grilled croutons, it made quite a hearty (hardy?) meal. 

Anyway, this one way of being more intentional in our lives is a good way to gain focus and inward reflection. What do we eat? What do we need? How do we take care of our bodies? How do we sustain ourselves and our loved ones? How can I cleanse my body with some nutritious healthy food? Hot water with lemon, oatmeal with cinnamon, freshly baked bread with honey, pita and hummus, lettuces with olive oil and vinegar, rice with ginger and soy sauce. Sometimes it is the simplest things that bring us true nourishment. 

Today I invite you to look around your kitchen and think about what nourishes you. Maybe it's the food, but it's also the rituals around the food. Do you have a candle you can light while you cook? Can you put on some fun music? Do you have some fresh flowers or branches you can put in a vase to brighten your table space? Enjoy the meal and enjoy the meal preparation. It sustains us and it's a gift from God. We pray, "Bless us O Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through Christ Our Lord. Amen." 

*This is a little book Annie got years ago - it sits in my bathroom so I can read short snippets...

Connecting

Often we hear about how important it is to grow, stretch our wings, reach out. I've heard from astrology friends that the planets are aligned in a new way right now and that this is an incredible time to bring new things into our lives. But what? you ask. What am I trying to do, what am I trying to grow toward? The only way to answer that is to be grounded, to be deeply rooted in who we are. Then we'll know where to grow, how to grow, and what we need. 

So how do we get there? First, we have to go back to what we wanted as young 20-somethings. What were you dreaming of then? How has your life matched those goals? How has it veered off course? Are there dreams that have been dormant? Just lingering beneath the surface? When we connect back to our truest selves, the ones that existed before kids, before marriage, before time and life took a toll on us, what does that self still yearn for? Going back to our roots, connecting to our inner child, our inner voice will encourage us to find that dream again. It might look different, it might not be the same on paper, but we can bring forth that energy to reclaim a part of ourselves that needs some attention. Lent is a time to do this inner work, to find that thing that brings us a sense of fulfillment. Then, when we are grounded in that truth of who we are, we can ask ourselves, What do I want? And we do more of what it takes to get what we want. 

When I go back to my 20s, I remember working at Ann Taylor in River Edge, NJ, the flagship store back in the 90s. At the end of a long day, we were trying on new suits and outfits. I remember standing in the dressing room - it was so pretty in there - in a very elegant golden yellow-colored skirt suit with a wrap-style jacket and belt and thinking, I'll never get to wear this being a teacher. Now I want to do something different. I want to wear the suit! This may sound superficial, like what does that have to do with finding a purpose in life. But I think it's something that I need to explore. I need to find a way to harness that inner power that the suit represented to get me toward my next goal. And I need to find that vintage suit on ebay or something!

What are you dreaming of? What do you long for? I hope today you have time to sit with your inner 20-year-old, to connect, to listen, and to find what's next. 

Expecting

 Yesterday for lunch I made Campbell's Beef Barley soup. It was way in the back of the cabinet and I thought I'd just clean it out. Making the soup reminded me of the time when I first found out I was pregnant. During that pregnancy, I craved Campbell's Beef Barley soup, so much so that I drove half an hour to a store to get some. We lived in farm country then and of course, we didn't have uber eats, so we had to go out and fend for ourselves. The funny thing is, it was exactly 25 years ago. Making the soup yesterday for lunch took me right back to that time. Sometimes I wonder what it is that jogs these memories - the light, the air, the temperatures outside, the season, the smells? Anyway, I remember that time - being so careful of everything, careful about moving, careful about sleeping, careful about working too much, careful about lifting or carrying anything, careful about what I ate and drank. The doctor wanted me to take it easy., not traveling, not standing on my feet too long, which was difficult while teaching. For a few weeks, we were really worried about the baby. But all the same, it was such a joy-filled time. All my life I had wanted to be a mom and now it was going to happen. Everything we did was tip-toeing around the idea that we were going to have a baby. I don't think I've ever been as excited. 

It's a great feeling to be expecting. To have something wonderful to look forward to. Lent is that way too. It comes in spring for a reason. We suffer through the last dark days of winter and know that soon, very soon, we are going to wake up to sun and light and beauty. This song, The King Shall Come, talks about the beauty that is soon to come. "When morning dawns, and light triumphant breaks, When beauty gilds the eastern hills, and life to joy awakes..." 

What are you expecting? What do you long for that is right around the corner? How can you protect that dream of yours and make it come to life? I wish you a wonderful time of expectation. 

Cleaning

 Sometimes there is nothing so gratifying as cleaning. Today I tried to clean a pair of pants that I love but that have a stain. And a pair of Annie's sneakers that seem to be in vogue right now and that I want to wear for a trip. 

I watched a video on how to clean these stains. I got out a bunch of supplies. I still have about a gallon of hydrogen peroxide from the pandemic, when we thought we'd never have enough cleaning supplies to fight the virus. And a handy dandy toothbrush to gently scrub the hell out of the stain. It may have worked; it may not have. The pants are soaking and then I'll run them through the wash. The sneakers came up nice with a little cleaning sponge but I still have to wash the shoelaces. It felt good to do something menial and focused. You definitely don't need to worry about much when cleaning a pair of sneakers. 

Cleaning is part of Lent too. My. mother used to banish us to our rooms on Good Friday to clean between the hours of 12 and 3. What a day. But as we sat in our rooms looking through old boxes and drawers of junk, it felt good to get rid of the old. Sloughing off the dead and starting fresh. It is a nice habit and one that seems familiar in many faiths. 

We clean our houses and our things. And we can also clean out our thoughts, putting aside those that hold us back and keep us in the past, to make way for creative thinking that will move us forward. What beautiful thoughts do you want to hold onto? How can you make time for those? How can you hold onto those?  

We can 'clean up our act' as my father used to say when we were in trouble. What acts of kindness can we do to make us come clean? To help us start over? How can we remedy a wrong? How can we ask forgiveness for our trespasses? Who can we reach out to to start again?

I hope you have a nice day, spring cleaning. 

What do you need?

Kate Bowler has this wonderful little book, No Cure for Being Human. In it she has this little page of Cliches we hear and truths we need.  " Things People Say: Carpe diem!  A More Complicated Truth: I mean yes, unless you need a nap." I just love the honesty with which she tells her story. The story of what it means to be human. 

Our world is so busy telling us what we need. You need to get fit, you need to sleep more, you need to eat this, drink that. You need to have this supplement, this hairstyle, this dress. It is inundating and overwhelming. I think one of the gifts that comes with age is the ability to focus on what's truly a need. I was finding myself caught up in the self-help messages telling me I need to wake up at 4:30am to start my days. Well, that is not happening. I get up early enough. I don't need to get up earlier. I can do my fitness routine at 4:30 pm and that is just fine. And by fitness routine, I usually mean lying down on a cushy mat, with a rolled-up towel for support and I lie there and stretch and breathe. It's wonderful. I don't need to follow someone else's regimen to feel better - I need to pay attention to my own body and what feels right to me. Maybe I need to sleep later because I was sleep deprived for all those years with babies and toddlers. Maybe my blood pressure just needs me to wake up slowly. Maybe I need the 4:30 pm routine to wash out the stress of the day. Whatever the reason, I'm paying attention to what I need.

Why do we do this during Lent? Because the first step to healing the world is healing within us. The world and humanity need us at our best before we can be of service. With self-reflection comes the ability to focus on what we need. We can pay attention to cues from our body and our spirit on what would fill us. What are your needs today? Don't think of this as self-ish time. It's self-care time. Today I hope you can focus on what you need, whatever it might be. 

the mud: Grief

the mud: Grief: I read an article from Maria Shriver's Sunday Paper  the other day about our young adults - the 20-somethings in our world and how they ...

Grief

I read an article from Maria Shriver's Sunday Paper the other day about our young adults - the 20-somethings in our world and how they are not doing so well. It's called a crisis of connection. Here's another article about parents worried about their children I found while searching for that. All this mental health crisis is creating its own sense of loss and adversity. So we look for causes and try to diagnose what exactly is happening here. Of course, I think the first thing I reach for is blaming the pandemic. I admit there are so many other factors, including screen time and social media, but in my mind the biggest culprit seems to be the pandemic. For obvious reasons, it was a horrific time in our world. Deaths, sickness, masking, staying home, locking down, wiping everything, not trusting anything, the list goes on and on. And there was nothing we could do. 

But I think there is something we can do now, in fact, something we must do in order to heal. We can grieve. The beautiful thing that religions offer are the rituals we use to define circumstances in life. When there's a wedding, a birth, a coming-of-age, we celebrate with rituals and traditions that are tried and true. We gather as a community to bring everyone together to pray and bless and cheer you on. The same is true for sickness and death. We have a ritual to pray and bless and prepare you. We have the anointing of the sick, a beautiful ritual when someone faces a health crisis. We have the burial mass or memorial services to support the family who has lost a loved one. We give eulogies for those who we remember and we focus on the good and beautiful in them. But we have all been through a crisis now. I wish there were a community ritual of grieving for what has been lost these last few years. 

I imagine what my own would be, and what my children's would be. I imagine a communal eulogy for everything that was taken away. Kelly Corrigan has made a beautiful podcast called "Thanks for Being Here." I think it helps us to look at a life that was lived and wonder about the person and appreciate all they had to offer. We could do the same for what we are missing now. A eulogy for the lost senior year. For the lost junior prom. For the lost trip. For the lost community of school. For the lost goodbye to our classmates. For the lost job interview. For the lost parties and graduations and first communions and baptisms and funerals. For the lost opportunity. For the lost minutes together. For the lost loved one in the nursing home. Will we ever get those images out of our minds? For the lost walks in the park. For the lost... Will we ever get over the grief? I think the only way forward is to look back and talk about it and then actively grieve it. And eulogize it. 

I heard a little tidbit yesterday about our society's collective trauma from Esther Perel. We are coping the way we know how, she said. I heard a similar thing from something I read a while ago. (I'm sorry I don't remember or I would give credit.) When the hospice nurse came to meet a family, they said to her, "We don't know what to do." And her reply was, "Well, how would you?" We don't know how to help our kids or our world right now. There aren't any easy answers. But I think that during Lent, when we think about the ashes in our lives, the ashes left from the pandemic, we can take a day or a moment to look back and grieve. Grieve with your children. Grieve with your loved ones. Grieve with your friends. Just over a cup of tea or an afternoon snack. And I think that will help to heal us. Or at least make the load a little more bearable.

I wish you a moment of grief today so that you too can heal. 

the mud: Hope

the mud: Hope:  It's been cloudy here a lot lately. Weird temperature fluctuations have me wondering each morning what to wear. There's been lots o...

Hope

 It's been cloudy here a lot lately. Weird temperature fluctuations have me wondering each morning what to wear. There's been lots of rain and not one snowflake all winter. It's quite depressing. But there is a glimmer of hope. The warmer weather today means my walk won't be encumbered by a heavy hat and mittens that I don't know whether to keep on or take off. Hope works that way. 

But lately, I feel like I am clinging on to hope, sometimes it's more like clawing onto it, my fingernails clutching any glimmer of hope. Watching the news, worried about everything, seeing the clouds of smoke over Ohio that some think will just go away, I grasp for whatever lifeline is thrown my way. When I feel this way, I'm reminded that I need to let up a little because what I'm really holding onto is the fear. Part of hope is seeking it, part of hope is praying, and part of it is acting. I can do each of these things and each step gets me closer to realizing what I hope for. I can also accept God's grace which fills me with hope. 

I think the purpose of Lent is that we hold these two things in juxtaposition: fear and hope. We are sad, and we are needy. We fear the unknown, the lack that we feel. With hope, we know that we will be happy again, we know that the trials won't last forever. 

Today I hope you find what you have been hoping for. 

Here is an image from Emily Lex, a wonderful painter out of Seattle, who I follow and who sends these beautiful images for your phone wallpaper. 

Seeds

 Last night I ran to Target to get lettuce for Taco Tuesday. It wouldn't be the same if we didn't have tacos and I didn't want to disappoint Charlie. Charlie doesn't even live here right now, but for some reason, it is important to continue these traditions and be able to tell him that we had Tacos on Tuesday. 

Anyway, in Target there was a whole display of seed packets, brightly colored, shiny packets, with pictures of everything from Okra to peas to sunflowers to Sweet Williams. I stood there a moment holding my lettuce. The packets were nicely organized and so appealing. The sun in the pictures made the flowers glisten just so. It's hard to believe these little envelopes could

contain so much goodness inside. 

I know we've heard this analogy before - water that which you want to grow, and plant seeds of kindness, but for some reason last night it struck me differently. Sometimes it's messy. My garden right now is a mess. We removed the old tomato plants last fall but there are some creepy things growing in there that I'm not sure about. The kale is sticking up but not quite sure what it wants to do. The endives (yes, I don't know what I was thinking) are there but do not resemble anything that was on the picture of the seed packet. We forget that it's not just water that makes seeds grow, it's a yucky process. There's lots of mud and rainy days that go on for too long, making puddles. And sometimes the sun is too much and the zucchini blossoms wither and die before they had a chance to bloom. And there are weeds that threaten to take over. And we hunch over digging and plucking and forget to stretch our limbs and we become exhausted by the effort. 

Whatever seeds you are uncovering in your life, I hope you have some wonderful ones to plant. I also hope you don't get discouraged when the rain and the sun and the soil don't cooperate. I hope you nurture that within you that wants to blossom. I wish you a happy full garden of beautiful flowers.