Walking Right By

I remember my mother saying to the five of us when we were young, "You just walked right by!" Usually it was a pair of shoes someone was looking for, or a book, or a paper.  If we were looking for something in the fridge, she would say, "Look with both hands!"  Usually that was my brother looking for the ketchup or something, and he would just stand in front of the fridge waiting for the ketchup to appear from behind the milk instead of moving the milk!  Or looking for socks in the sock basket, that definitely takes two hands.  Now I find myself, and of course it's very cliche, saying the same things my mother said.  You can't find the barbecue sauce, Look with both hands!  You can't find your backpack, You just walked right by!  You can't find the keys, You just walked right by!  And sometimes the kids say this to me too - MOM, You just walked right by!  (I can never seem to find my shoes- I never outgrew that.)  It's funny in our house because we have the black table and the brown table and the brown drawer and the black drawer.  The keys are on the black table - and you just walked right by!  I think I should put labels on the tables and drawers because inevitably the thing my kids are looking for is on the other table or in the other drawer.

I think we walk right by a lot in life if we aren't paying attention.  I walk right by when there's a chance for an encounter that I should take.  A neighbor calls out, "How was vacation?" and since I'm going for my run, I just say, "Great! Thanks!" and walk right by, instead of saying that I can't believe we're back already and thanks, by the way, for watching the dog, and when are you going on your vacation?  A grocery clerk asks how I'm going to prepare my cube steak for dinner, and I just say, "Oh, I don't know," instead of engaging, telling her I was wondering how to make aioli sauce and I would have to look it up when I got home and does she think that would be good and how long does the steak have to cook?  A salesperson tells me they like my necklace, and I just say, "Oh, it's old," instead of saying it was my grandmother's and I love it and I love to wear it.  It doesn't take much to go one extra step toward an encounter, but I just walk right by, sometimes running in the opposite direction.

I heard a priest tell a story of a time he was picking up pizzas for his high school students.  He ran into an old acquaintance at the pizza shop, but he was so distracted by the task he had to do, so eager to get back to the students, that he quickly shut down the conversation that could have ensued and he returned to school.  Once at school he realized there was no urgency to the pizza.  The kids weren't ready to eat yet anyway, all still busily working on their projects.  Yet it was too late to go back to find the old friend in the pizza shop.

I tell myself I'm going somewhere, I have places to be, too.  I say I have to get going and I walk right by.  I know we all say we're busy, but what are we busy doing?  Five extra minutes here, an extra smile there, instead of walking right by, could go a long way.  In Positive Psychology they promote having 3 genuine encounters with others, even complete strangers, each day.  It takes practice if you are shy, or rushed, or busy, or whatever excuse we might use to get out of the room.   I have to slow down and recognize the person who I am talking to.  I have to take a breath and stop moving at warp speed.  Maybe there is something to the other phrase my mother used, "Look with both hands."  Of course she meant to move the milk out of the way.   I think it also means to look at each other with both eyes, a little more closely.  Maybe we have to move ourselves out of the way, to step aside and let the moment unfold, let the relationship take precedence, and let a little love out.  And maybe, if we look with both hands, we'll find a little love behind the milk.

Ready for Summer?

Sometimes you want to get away and escape!  Just for fun, we can go shopping!  (I am not paid to advertise nor am I sponsoring any stores or products, I just felt like looking around for stuff I have seen or enjoyed... ) Here's a list of little surprises to help entertain you and help you entertain and enjoy the summer, whether you are headed to the beach or the mountains, to the swim club, or your own backyard:  (Trust me, I'm mostly just window shopping:)  

Pineapple Matches $5 - to light up (without those plastic torches)





Blue Seaweed Wall Art $36/4 - in case you have to stay inside one day



Green Valley Kitchen Peach Feta Salad $ - after you go peach picking!



Aventurine $298 - it's fun to have one new piece of jewelry

Perfect Dress $88 - I don't know where you couldn't wear this





A Stay by a Lake $300/night- we almost booked it for our trip to Indiana



Folding Table $125 - for iced tea, UNO, and your book




Blue Hydrangeas $19 - order now and next year, just wait!



Buoys Pillow $36 - love the colors!




Dr. Scholls Originals $24 - because vintage is so better



Green Umbrella $65 - automatic sunscreen without the goop



Cover up $34 - to keep my nieces looking cool and feeling warm


Bar Height Adirondack Set $2000 - we sat at this at the shore house, like all day and night!



String Lights $15 - to surround you with stars




Flower Pots  $95 - for all those hydrangea blooms!



Fun Sweater $78 - for a walk after dinner





Girl Koozie $9 - who says the boys have all the fun?




Books! $16 - because you have to keep reading



Mini Tote  $18 - to carry your sunglasses and phone and nothing else

Holiday Dog Collar  $48 to get him in the spirit!



8x12 feet American Flag $60 - go big or go home! 

Being In Person

I recently facilitated a workshop on Mindfulness.  Mindfulness is the practice of cultivating the art of being present, breathing, living, thinking in the moment.  It also has a lot to do with being available to the people we are with at a given time in a given place. I have been a student of mindfulness for about 12 years. When I walked into the room where I was to present, the table around which we would sit was far away from the computer screen, almost across the room.  The director offered to move the table closer to the screen for me, but I said no. I wanted space for us to move and sit and be separated from the technology pieces of the workshop. It worked. We all had space to sit and breathe and write and move back and forth.  We also had space to sit together when we were practicing our meditations. When it was time to share we all naturally gravitated toward the center of the floor where we could see each other and be closer. It is important to be “in person,” to be close. It worked well to see each other face to face instead of having our focus forced on staring up at a monitor screen.  Being in person is natural.

That afternoon I had paperwork to take care of at school as well.  I could easily have printed and scanned and emailed, but I decided to walk around.  Walking the halls of a vacated school when summer vacation has just begun is a meditation in itself.  There is still a hum in the air of all the excitement of the last few days. It is quiet now, and the halls are darkened, but there’s an aliveness in this cocooning stage.  The artwork still hangs, if a bit crookedly. The remnants of the final events give evidence that it is a school. The halls say, "Yes, children live here, they are home now, but they’ll be back." The halls hold the goings-on, saying, "The teachers are exhausted, and so had to go refill themselves on beach days and time to reflect and professional development and books about the newest trends in education."  As I walked the halls I ran into two people who I dearly treasure. We were able to talk in person, without distraction and it was such a treat. We had no clocks to tell us it was time to stop, no needs except to see each other and share a few minutes. I would have missed them entirely if I had sat at my computer. Being in person is vital.

Later that week I headed to the shore.  I saw family and cousins that I hadn’t seen in so long, some in almost a year!  We sat and rocked on the front porch that gathers us all in when we return each year - for the last forty-five years!  At some points there must have been 30 people sleeping in that house! Now we come together briefly. We sit and rock and gaze out at the ocean and share stories and laughs and food and drinks. There are never enough seats, only about 8 rocking chairs, but when more people show up,  they sit on the long front steps, a Victorian double-sided staircase that can hold at least twenty more people. The little ones climb over legs and sit on knees and laps and we blow bubbles with them.  Why? Because we all want to be in person. We don’t care how comfortable we are, the comfort is in knowing we are together. We want to be with each other and hear and listen and chat and laugh. All the generations in one place.  Even the teenagers. Being in person keeps us alive.

Last night I was in person at a rally.  I hesitate to even use the word. It was for families who are being separated from loved ones.  It was beautiful to be there. A young high school graduate spoke. A rabbi spoke. A lawyer spoke.  And a politician spoke. And I listened. It was bittersweet to be there, with friends and like-minded people, while thinking of those who can’t be where they want to be.  And I was happy to be there - in person. We all need each other. We need our colleagues. We need our friends. We all need to be with our loved ones and families that hold us dear.  We need to be free to be “in person” - free from the technology that threatens to come between us, free from pseudo-laws that are contrary to natural law, free from the threats that break the bonds we have with each other.  I hope you find time this summer to be in person with those you love. And keep in mind those who can’t be.