What Is Grief?

 What is grief?

It is standing in the shower and 

you are suddenly crying

and then you are sobbing.

And you barely thought about it

in the two days since you heard 

your Uncle Rich passed.

You thought about your dad and your cousins and your aunt

and how sad they must be

and you checked in on your dad.

"I'm so so sorry."

And you went to work and you did what you had to do.

And now you are ready for another day

and you are thinking of all the things

and then you are crying

and you are little again

and vulnerable 

and your heart hurts.

And you remember everyone.

Medford Lakes and a swimming pool and laughing so hard 

and dancing around

a Christmas tree and fireworks by the lake at night.

And you can see his face and all their faces smiling

Aunts and uncles and cousins and brothers who aren't here.

And you remember his voice, deep and laughing,

and you remember his kindness and his advice.

"Are you taking vitamin C, Joannie?"

You see all their faces

and you miss being little

surrounded by all of them 

and your grandmother's hands. 

And you grieve.

And that is grief.

That is love.