Angels

 When my kids were small, I would watch things happen and think, "Thank God there is a guardian angel watching over them." They would just miss the corner of the table as they fell off the couch. The glass would fall just inches from their face. The baseball would just miss their head as they went for a catch. Once I came home to see police cars, ambulances, and fire trucks in front of our house. A woman had driven her car up on our front lawn and had just missed where the kids had been playing with my husband a few moments before. Guardian Angels. Then there were times when it wasn't a miss, but a hit: the broken bones, the cuts, and scrapes, the poison ivy that sent us to the emergency room. (Yes, it was that bad.) But there were angels in the ER too. 

I thought that guardian angels were part of everyone's childhood. We used to say a prayer in elementary school, "Guardian Angel, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here, ever this day be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide." A child's fairy tale, a nursery rhyme. Even though I believed in her, this guardian angel, I thought I would outgrow her like the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy. It seemed that one day when I grew up, my guardian angel wouldn't be so necessary. I would just be more careful. I would be an adult. I would avoid trouble. I would understand physics in a way that would prevent me from getting in the way of tables, and doorjambs, and glasses, and flying baseballs. I don't quite know why, but it seemed like a child's prayer. 

I expected the same for my children. Once they were adults, they wouldn't need guardian angels. They would be more balanced, more graceful, more coordinated than their very uncoordinated mother. More easily able to avoid trouble. For some reason, I wasn't expecting to be praying for my adult children's guardian angels to Please take action! the way that I do now. When they leave the house, I pray. When they are overnight at a friend's, I pray. When they are traveling by plane, I pray. When they are driving, I pray. When they are in their rooms all day, I pray. When they are studying and tired, I pray. When they are anxious or worried. When they won't hug me back. When I think they aren't taking care of themselves, I pray. When they are partying. I hope those guardian angels are standing by their side, to light and guard, to rule and guide. When they are making decisions that I can't interfere with. When they are working hard and when they are not working hard, I hope and pray. I also pray for them to send little moments of joy to my kids. To lift them up. To brighten their days. To lighten their loads. 

As I look back now, I know that Guardian Angels have saved me as an adult plenty of times in the same ways - from making poor decisions, doing stupid stuff, and getting in car accidents. And they aren't only around to prevent the catastrophes. Once in my 20s, I was driving to a teaching interview on the Garden State Parkway in a competitive school district, almost in a full-blown panic attack. When I slowed down to pay the toll, the toll taker asked me how my day was going. I told him where I was going and he wished me luck. He told me I would do great! Maybe it sounds silly, but he was a guardian angel. My nerves were calmed, my focus restored, my confidence lifted. Guardian Angel. I got the job too!

I believe my grandmother sent me an angel when I was shopping for my wedding dress. My grandmother had throat cancer when I was young and used a voice amplifier to speak, making her voice sound deep and robotic and a little fuzzy. While I was trying on a wedding dress, I stepped out of the fitting room in a white dress. A woman approached me, and speaking with a voice amplifier, told me how beautiful I looked. I immediately thought of my grandmother who had died when I was in 8th grade. I thanked her and told her that I did really love the dress. When we went to purchase the dress, my mother and I mentioned this woman to the salesgirl. She said there hadn't been anyone else in the store. Guardian Angel. One I will always carry with me. Thankfully my mother had seen her too.

I believe I have walked with angels during the hardest and the best days of my life. They have always been there for me. I know they will be there for my children too, even when they are all grown up. I wish you, and your children, no matter how old they are, guardian angels too. Sometimes we have to look carefully for them, pray carefully for them, but they are around. We need all the help we can get...