Survival Skills

When I realized that my entire skill set, my whole executive functioning capacity, is now completely invalid, I started wondering what, if anything, I could possibly know to get my family through this time. All my decorating skills, not important. All my teaching skills, completely inept. All my good humor, maybe needed in a pinch? Cleaning - who cares at this point? All my cooking skills, vital. But what would really get us through this mess? Survival skills.

I didn't know it at the time, but I think my mother taught me a fair amount of survival skills. And I have to say, my grandmother too. I always told my kids, in the face of fearful world events, that Gran and Marmee had survived and so would we. Gran had to darken her rooms and pull the shades during WWII so the U-Boats, reportedly off the coast of Cape May, wouldn't be able to spot them. Or at least that is how I remember it. She prayed every night that her brothers and later her sons would come home. And they did. Marmee had to dive under her desk in middle school in case of Soviet bombing. I had to do a fair number of drills too during the Cold War and here we are, no worse for the wear. This too shall pass. So just pray a little.

But when I think back, they also taught me a few things about surviving. Never throw a scrap away. Finish your plate. Dried beef can make a meal. Newspaper is a good absorbent. (Which may come in handy when we run out of toilet paper!) Powdered milk, when mixed with vanilla or chocolate, tastes just as good. A little milk added to eggs makes them go further. Fruit that comes in a can is just as good sometimes. And meals in a can. Don't complain. Waste not, want not. So we are trying. And my father taught me that "a little nap never hurt anybody," and God knows that is true these days.

The other lessons I learned came in early motherhood when I was home with 4 children under age 5. Plan your meals out. Shop once. If you only get one thing done a day, have it be the bed. Making the bed will make you feel successful at the start and refreshed at the end of the day. However short it is, take a shower. When you have more time, take a bath. Being clean makes you feel better., and beautiful!  Do your hair if it makes you feel better, not for anyone else but you. Bake or cook. It is relaxing and mentally calming. You will feel like the hunters and gatherers that fed their people. Don't worry about anything else. Especially at this point in time, no one is judging you, not even your kids' teachers. Actually especially not them. I am a teacher and I know what it is to be in this position. You are doing a great job!

And then I learned some things from friends along the way. Stick to a schedule. Kelly taught me this when I would meet her for playdates. "Joannie," she said, "I'm so impressed that you can meet me at any time, and you don't worry about the baby's nap schedule." She got me thinking. We started a nap schedule the next week.  She also taught me this: Only do the dishes once a day - a sinkful of soapy water will hold them until you get to them. Why spend all day in the kitchen? Kealan taught me the power of lists. A list does a little but goes a long way. Checking those boxes off is cathartic. My friend Jennifer taught me this - always put your shoes on. It will make you feel empowered and ready to go anywhere, even when you have no place to go! My friend Becky taught me that Dirty Rice feeds a crowd and with 6 at home right now, it is a lifesaver. Susannah taught me to get out for a walk every morning, and that is how I became a runner, at least for a few years. They all formed me as a young mother and prepared me for this in ways that none of us could foresee, and for that I am eternally grateful. You never know the impact you have on someone. Never.

I haven't talked to some of these friends in years, but I still think of them. I think of them more now that we are all going through this crazy time together even though we are spread across the country. While I love Kelly's Christmas card, and display it with great love and memories and auld lang syne, I know I should reach out more. I don't use Facebook a lot; it is too much for me sometimes. But maybe that is what this is all about. Maybe we are being brought together by forces we don't even know or understand. So, now that we aren't so busy, who do you need to reach out to? Reach out and thank them. Do it. Just do it. It's a matter of survival. For you and them.