Just

On Friday I left my phone in the car and my son, completely exasperated with me, yelled, "Who even does that?" Well, apparently someone who didn't grow up with a phone attached to their hand, that's who. My kids have started calling me, "Boomer," as in "Ok, Boomer," when I say something they think is antiquated and not with the times and the sarcasm just rings right through. But I have to argue, I'm not a boomer. Boomers were born through 1964. I'm a Gen X-er, born between 1964 and 1976. I never thought these titles would have any relevance for me but here we are. I do have certain characteristics that drive my kids crazy, like not answering my phone. So many differences between us and yet I still think to myself, I get it. I know how hard it is to be a kid today, to grow up with all these expectations and judgments and stressors. Yet I don't. I say I do. I try to get it. I try to commiserate with them about social media and college and stress, but I don't really get it. I never lived it. And honestly, we are the generation that invented all this stress, all these demands, thinking at the same time that we could relieve some stress by giving them everything they needed. I guess it doesn't work that way.

There is a new book out called, Why We Can't Sleep, Women's New Mid-Life Crisis, by Ada Calhoun.
Our stress and anxiety is higher than any generation before. We had pressures placed upon us that we could be the ones to have it all, the corner office and the cute kids, the perfect blend of the perfect professional and personal life. And then, when we realized how hard that was and we pulled back, we felt disappointed in ourselves and our dreams. I went to school to be a doctor. That lasted about two years. I remember talking with one of my high school teachers and I could see the disappointment in her eyes when I told her I would be a teacher instead because I wanted to be there for my children. Here I am today, 50 years old, and I wonder, would it have been better to really go for it? And it's not just that, it's all the little questions. What if we had stayed in North Jersey? What if I had worked when they were little? What if we didn't switch schools? What if? What if? What if? All that baggage piles up. It stresses us out. It creates anxiety. It creates depression. And that leaks out. It affects our children. I know I have put expectations on my kids that they can do better than I did, they can have it all, in the same way the women's movement of the 80s and 90s put expectations on me. But it's worse. They have the added guilt that they were given everything and they still may not live up to these expectations. Each generation antes up and raises the stakes and takes big risks in doing so. It is too much.

So I want to work to blow apart these myths about having it all and doing it all and looking like we have it all together. I want to say that these expectations are ridiculous. For me and for my kids. Who cares? Who cares if you don't have the corner office? Who cares if you didn't get into the number 1 school? Who cares if you don't get out of bed today? Who cares if you didn't run 5 times this week? Who cares if you don't have the latest iPhone? Who cares if you don't shop at the trendy store? Who cares if life didn't turn out just the way you thought it would? Who cares if you eat the whole bag of chips? Relax. You are where you are and it was a great ride and you are who you are and you are great. And you aren't done yet! If you have a dream that didn't come true, maybe you are inspired to try again. But maybe there's an alternative right in front of you that would really mean something to people around you. All that you wanted, it's still out there, it just might look a little different than you thought. But realize how far you have come. Look at what you have already. Be happy with what you got. You did it. Quite the feat. Sit back and congratulate yourself. You are doing your best and our kids are doing their best and that's all we have to do. So... when it's getting too tough and you don't know where to turn...

Just breathe
Just look
Just listen
Just sit
Just pray
Just walk
Just laugh
Just ask
Just know
Just bask
Just be