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Bundling

 My husband accuses me of bundling. Like everything. I won't go down the basement until I have collected a pile of everything that could possibly need to go down. So I'll bring the laundry down to the kitchen and then I'll start bundling. The old front door wreath goes on top of the laundry, The drill I used in the garden yesterday - on top. The Fourth of July banner on top of that. I can amass quite a pile. The same goes when I'm out doing errands. I have a doctor's appointment in Mt. Laurel? Hmm. I can stop at the Home Sense store, the big Dollar Tree, the Produce Junction, the Michaels, and the Container Store. All on my way home! I like bundling. Not just because it saves trips, which equates to gas, but it also saves my energy. If I separated those trips it would be hours or even days of travel. I don't have time for that. When I can I want to tie everything together and wrap it up. With a pretty bow. 

Bundling was an act of desperation back when the kids were small. I literally did not have time to run around and up and down the steps. Everything was about conserving time and energy. If I was out at the pharmacy in the middle of the night picking up ear drops, I made sure to buy my aunt's birthday card even though her birthday wasn't until next month. I bought vitamins while I was at it. I had to do all the work while I had the chance. Even if it was 10:30 pm on a school night. 

Looking back, I feel like this may have been induced by some kind of trauma. Why was I worried about birthdays when my child was home unable to sleep with an ear infection? I really remember having the thought that I might never get out again. I had to do it all. And do it all right now. That's not good. That's not healthy. I'm trying to wean myself now. 

What's the big deal? you might say. Who cares if you are conserving energy and gas and time? Well, I think the problem is that when you do that, you tend not to enjoy the moments. You don't have time to think about what you need to focus on. Maybe it's like ADD shopping? I would get home and forget that I bought the birthday card and the vitamins. Days later I'd find the bag and wonder whose birthday card this was. Does that sound sane? 

One of the gifts of having older kids is that you get back some of the time that you spent rushing around doing everything. I don't have to worry about their doctor appointments anymore. They can take care of themselves. I can take care of myself. I also don't believe anymore that I may never get out again. I have time. I can be reflective. I can take a breath. I don't need to do everything in one day. I don't need to do it all. I can slow down to a normal pace. I don't need to be going at warp speed just to get the jobs of the day accomplished. I wonder what I looked like to my kids. Was I like a banchee in a constant whirl and a constant state of anxiety? Always wondering if I could get everything done and feeling like I might not get there. I hope not. But if I'm honest, I was. It was warp speed until bedtime. Even when my oldest was very little, he said this. Amid our rush out the door, he asked for a "Stay Home Day". I loved that. It did give me pause and we did start incorporating that into our weekly schedule. 

So I'm learning to retrain my brain and retrain myself to slow down. Take it one day at a time, one shopping trip at a time. It's August. It's slow summer. I can slow down. Except, now I have exactly 14 days until school starts. Maybe I can just have a slow week. No bundling, but appreciating. 

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